I am too confused...

There are things that you suppose you know but you really don't have any idea about, you never know things as they are. Sometimes I get an idea of how unsatisfied I can be, how how things would come crushing down and as I lift them again so they collapse, but each time something better than the previous comes and somethings just fade away and disappear. I will start writing my memories of the clinic and my patients life as I see and interpret them. I will start from today onwards. next will be my first day of hospital life...

Love is all around me...

I feel it in my fingers
I feel it in my toes
Love is all around me
And so the feeling grows
Its written on the wind
Its everywhere I go, oh yes it is
So if you really love me
Come on and let it show
You know I love you, I always will
My minds made up by the
Way that I feel
There's no beginning,
There will be no end
cause on my love you can depend
I see your face before me
As I lay on my bed
I kinda get to thinking
Of all the things you said, oh yes I did
You gave your promise to me and i
Gave mine to you
I need someone beside me
In everything I do, oh yes I do
You know I love you, I always will,
My minds made up by the
Way that I feel
There's no beginning,
There will be no end
cause on my love you can depend
Got to keep it moving
Oh its written in the wind
Oh everywhere I go, yeah, oh well
So if you really love me, love me, love me
Come on and let it show
Come on and let it show
Come on and let it
Come on and let it (come and let it show, baby)
Come on, come on, come on let it show baby
Come on and let it show
Come on and let it show, baby
Come on and let it show

It is strange how you suddenly fall in love

When your heart beats as if it will be torn away from your chest, your breathing increase, even your texture and skin changes, you can't eat anything, you can't do anything, you can't even concentrate, all love scenes make your body shiver, your brain continuously remains on that person, he is there, so near, might come closer if you let, but you just can't. Always 'maybe', always 'if not', you never let doubts away, and when you think about the obstacles between you, it kind of increases the pull, the tension and you are ashamed, there is nothing to be ashamed of but you are ashamed, and what will happen when he goes away? When will you be normal as you were? And why is it that you always want to cry. And be sorry for what you feel, and knowing that you shouldn't feel this way. When will come the time to forget, you wonder? When will he shift far away, how long will this pain last? That's why I hate loving someone. You are so timeless to come to me now, and so will be you departure, please do remember me, remember me good. because you are the only man I knew, asked nothing from me, no favors, no help and just asked me to be there, because you are the one I will come to whenever I need, because you are the one I really fear to lose for the first time, may be because I am not to you, what you are to me, and losing me is just like losing anybody, and it seems to me I love you because you don't love me... It is so strange how suddenly you made me fall in love with you this badly.

Vanessa Williams: Save The Best For Las

Sometimes the snow comes down in June.
Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon.

I see the passion in your eyes, sometimes it's all a big surprise.
'Cause there was a time when all I did was wish,
you'd tell me this was love. It's not the way I'd hoped or how I planned,
but somehow, it's enough.

And now we're standing face to face. Isn't this world a crazy place.
Just when I thought a chance had past, you go and save the best for last.

All of the nights you came to me, when some silly girl had set you free.
You wondered how you'd make it through, I wondered what was wrong with you

'cause how could you give your love to someone else, and share your dreams
with me. Sometimes the very thing you're looking for, is the one thing
you can't see.

But now we're standing face to face. Isn't this world a crazy place.
Just when I thought a chance had past, you go and save the best for last.

Sometimes the very thing you're looking for, is the one thing
you can't see.
Sometimes the snow comes down in June.
Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon.
Just when I thought a chance had past, you go and save the best for last.

You went and save the best for last.

"Here I Am"

This is a crazy world
These can be lonely times
It's hard to know who's on your side
Most of the time

Who can you really trust
Who do you really know
Is there anybody out there
Who can make you feel less alone
Some times you just can't make it on your own

If you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend

When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am,

If you have broken dreams
Just lay them all on me
I'll be the one who understands
So take my hand

If you reach emptiness

You know I'll do my best
To fill you up with all the love
That I can show someone
I promise you you'll never walk alone

Well if you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend

When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am,

Everybody needs somebody who
keep a heart and soul in two

Well if you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend

When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am, Here I am

Dark as a Dungeon

Come and listen you fellows, so young and so fine,
And seek not your fortune in the dark, dreary mines.
It will form as a habit and seep in your soul,
'Till the stream of your blood is as black as the coal.

It's dark as a dungeon and damp as the dew,
Where danger is double and pleasures are few,
Where the rain never falls and the sun never shines
It's dark as a dungeon way down in the mine.

It's a-many a man I have seen in my day,
Who lived just to labor his whole life away.
Like a fiend with his dope and a drunkard his wine,
A man will have lust for the lure of the mines.

I hope when I'm gone and the ages shall roll,
My body will blacken and turn into coal.
Then I'll look from the door of my heavenly home,
And pity the miner a-diggin' my bones.

The midnight, the morning, or the middle of day,
Is the same to the miner who labors away.
Where the demons of death often come by surprise,
One fall of the slate and you're buried alive.
Merle Travis

Time is passing by

I don't know how clever is it to post your thoughts and life to the internet, I believe they do no harm, as long as you are anonymous.

I am studying for my gynecology exam and its quite easy to handle. Exam is on Thursday and I am sure I will pass it easily. Then There will be just one more to go, neurology exam, And I will have a big party at home, I really need it, but won't last long, I will start working again, I will have to stay away from the nternet during this time, and I really don't want to. :(

Things change, I forgive...

I don't know if its because we are growing or our thoughts changes due to experiences we have, but we change continuously and gradually. I remember how I used to love pop music, rock nowadays I cannot listen to anything but new age and I never thought one day I will, I believe I started to take things slowly and patiently, allowing time to help me not stand against me, I began to forgive and forget the bad memories, erase them and when seeing people who cause them I act as if nothing happened, willingly, life is worthy and so short to stay angry to someone or to something or to your to the mistakes you've made in the past, or to be jealous, to be revengeful, I sometimes think what if I die now, right now, people will forgive what I've done to them and will forget me, too, don't we all do that, we forgive the dead, but we hate the alive, its somewhat twisted. I have no idea what made me write this as soon as I woke up, but everything occurs for a reason, may be one day I will forget all these and get to read this post and say wow, I used to be calm some days.

Quotes I love about love

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
Ingrid Bergman

A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.
George Jean Nathan

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu

I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.
Javan

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm

It is sad not to love, but it is much sadder not to be able to love.
Miguel de Unamuno

The Bible...The car key

A young man was getting ready to graduate college. For
many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's
showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told
him that was all he wanted.

As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited
signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the
morning of his graduation his father called him into his private
study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine
son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son
a beautiful wrapped gift box.

Curious, but somewhat disappointed the young man
opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible. Angrily,
he raised his voice at his father and said, "With all your money you
give me a Bible?" and stormed out of the house, leaving the holy
book.

Many years passed and the young man was very successful in
business.
He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his
father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He
had not seen him since that graduation day. Before he could make
arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had
passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He
needed to come home immediately and take care things.
When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and
regret filled his heart.

He began to search his father's important papers and
saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With
tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. As he
read those words, a car key dropped from an envelope
taped behind the Bible.
It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the
sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation,
and the words...PAID IN FULL.

How many times do we miss God's blessings because they are not
packaged as we expected?

The Window

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour a day to drain the fluids from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. And every afternoon when the man in the bed next to the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed would live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the outside world. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake, the man had said. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Lovers walked arm in arm amid flowers of every color of the rainbow. Grand old trees graced the landscape, and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man could not hear the band, he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words. Unexpectedly, an alien thought entered his head: Why should hehave all the pleasure of seeing everything while I never get to see anything? It didn't seem fair. As the thought fermented, the man felt ashamed at first. But as the days passed and he missed seeing more sights, his envy eroded into resentment and soon turned him sour. He began to brood and found himself unable to sleep. He should be by that window - and that thought now controlled his life.

Late one night, as he lay staring at the ceiling, the man by the window began to cough. He was choking on the fluid in his lungs. The other man watched in the dimly lit room as the struggling man by the window groped for the button to call for help. Listening from across the room, he never moved, never pushed his own button which would have brought the nurse running. In less than five minutes, the coughing and choking stopped, along with the sound of breathing. Now, there was only silence--deathly silence.

The following morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths. When she found the lifeless body of the man by the window, she was saddened and called the hospital attendant to take it away--no words, no fuss. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look. Finally, he would have the joy of seeing it all himself. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall.

The pursuit of happiness is a matter of choice...it is a positive attitude we consciously choose to express. It is not a gift that gets delivered to our doorstep each morning, nor does it come through the window. And I am certain that our circumstances are just a small part of what makes us joyful. If we wait for them to get just right, we will never find lasting joy.

The pursuit of happiness is an inward journey. Our minds are like programs, awaiting the code that will determine behaviors; like bank vaults awaiting our deposits. If we regularly deposit positive, encouraging, and uplifting thoughts, if we continue to bite our lips just before we begin to grumble and complain, if we shoot down that seemingly harmless negative thought as it germinates, we will find that there is much to rejoice about.

What do you fear?

What do people fear most? At the top of the list is death, the fear of which is necrophobia. Second, apparently, is the fear of failure, which is called kakorrhaphiophobia. There is of course a story of how fears developed, like fear for the number 13. The fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia.

In pagan times Friday was the luckiest day of the week because it was ruled by the planet Venus, the symbol of love and fortune. In fact, Friday is named in honour of Freya, goddess of Love. But for Christians, Friday has not been a good day. Adam and Eve is said to have eaten the forbidden fruit on a Friday and died on a Friday. Jesus was crucified on a Friday.

For centuries sailors refused to set sail on a Friday. It is told that when the reluctance of seamen to set sail on a Friday had reached such proportions that it interfered with naval operations, the British Admiralty decided to prove once and for all that it is a fallacy. They laid the keel of a new vessel on a Friday, named her H.M.S. Friday, and launched her on a Friday. On her first voyage, setting sail on a Friday, she was commanded by Captain James Friday. She left the harbour and nothing has since been heard of her or her crew. The identical story has also found its place in American lore.

The fear for traveling on a Friday continued until the early 20th century where in Europe bus and train travel was lowest on a Friday. But before you say "Thank Goodness, it's Friday!" consider that today, FBI statistics show, most robberies take place on a Friday.

The number 13

It is believed that the fear for the number 13 stems from primitive man being unable to count past 12. Numbers beyond 12 do now have an individual and independent name but are a combination of the first 12 numbers. With 12 being the end of the line, 13 was moving into unknown territory.

In Norse mythology the 13th number led to the death of Baldur, the beloved of the gods. When the 12 gods gathered for a banquet in Valhalla, Loki gatecrashed the party, increasing the number to 13, which led to the death of Baldur. It also happens that in Tarot cards, 13 is called "Death."

The baker's dozen

The "unlucky 13" is the reason why the thirteen loaves that bakers once supplied were never called by the number, but described as "a baker's dozen." The thirteenth loaf was regarded as a special bribe for the devil not to spoil the sale or the bread.

The lucky number 13

But 13 is not unlucky for all. The Mayas worshipped the 13 gods of the upper world. The Aztecs climbed 13 steps to their sacred places. Buddhists paid homage to 13 Buddhas. In Jewish faith, God revealed Himself by 13 attributes of bountiful mercy (Exodus 34: 6-7). The orthodox Jewish prayer book hold the Thirteen Principles of Faith. Jewish boys celebrate their Bar Mitzvah at age 13.

The number 13 in Greek is triskaideka and the fear of the number 13 is called triskaidekaphobia.

You can also find the list of phobias in alphabetic order from source of this article:

http://www.didyouknow.org/phobias/phobiasa.htm

The candle of hope

There's a candle in the window
Do you see it's light
Beckoning you to come in
On this cold, frigid night
Get shelter from the storm
On this Christmas Eve
The homeless and the lonely
You don't have to leave

****************************

There's a candle in the window
See it's welcoming glow
Come in and sup with me
Don't walk alone in the snow
I think I may have a coat
To fit your tiny frame
I'm sure that our sizes
Are about the same

****************************

There's a candle in the window
For the man in despair
For the woman being abused
And not welcome anywhere
For the weary and the sick
Come into my light
Let not one person be alone
On this Christmas Eve night

© Linda Hill 2003

My first post...